Ride Your Own Race

Have you found yourself lately spending too much time on social media and wondering, “how are so many people seeming to handle this ‘new normal’ better than I am?” Or thinking, “I’m tired of all the pep talks and quotes of positivity going around—can’t I just feel what I’m feeling and be okay with it?” Are you continuing to look at the lives of others, using them as your barometer for happiness or success?

The very act of comparing yourself to those around you is not only an ugly practice, but it damages your confidence and keeps you from being able to process your emotions on your own timeline and in your own way.

In my life, I’ve worked hard to surround myself with positive, optimistic people. But sometimes, I have days when I’m not feeling either positive or optimistic. Looking at, and by default, dissecting the lives of others (especially on social media) doesn’t help. There are times I need to process where I am in MY world and be okay with it. However, it can be easier said than done.  

How is it that being our unique selves is our biggest asset yet our greatest insecurity? I believe it’s because from the beginning of our lives we learn to compare ourselves to judge who we are, and our supposed standing in this world. It starts simply enough—who has more toys? Who is better looking? And continues on to comparing the other aspects of our lives. In this time of challenge and difficulty (and for some too much time on their hands), we turn to our social media channels and see how and what others are doing. And then we compare.  

So how do you quiet the noise of the outside world when you are setting out to live a life that is meaningful to you and being mindful of how you approach the situations you face?

You have to learn to focus on you and most of us are not used to doing that.

Like many of my lessons, I learned to combat this problem on the field of play. I was in the middle of a cycling road race and was having a horrible day. The course was full of long, steep hills (not my forte) and I had ignored my pre-race prep the day before (not eating well or getting the right amount of sleep) and I bonked in the middle of the race. I felt devastated as I watched the field of cyclists pull away from me and leave me all alone in no man’s land. At that point, all I could do was put my head down and keep on pedaling in hopes I could get to the finish line before everyone had packed up and gone home. But as I was riding along another woman, who was competing in a different category, rode up next to me slowed down long enough to give me a few kind words of encouragement.  She pedaled alongside my bike and started asking questions, “How’s your race going?” “How are you doing today?”

I looked her straight in the eye and said, “I suck! I can’t even keep up with the other racers.”

And to that she said, “You know, you can’t let just one race define who you are as an athlete. Besides that, you can only do what your body can do on a given day.” And then she gave me this advice. She told me to ride my own race.

That might not seem like the most powerful sentence you’ve ever read, but for me, it caused a complete change in my attitude. Both in that race and in my life.

Each of us comes to the table with different coping skills or capacities for handling difficult or uncomfortable situations. We are all traveling in different directions, but it’s easy to get confused and think that we should be able to act or feel the same way as our colleagues, role models, or Facebook friends.

The truth however, is that we should be doing what our individual hearts desire, at a pace that is manageable, with results that are commensurate with our skills.

This was especially difficult for me as I went through the most trying time of my life—becoming paralyzed, spending four months in the hospital and several years trying to get my life pieced back together. It seemed like the whole world was moving along in fast forward and I was going inch-by-inch. To keep perspective, I had to remember that life had handed me a completely different situation than most and I could only move at the pace that my body and mind could handle. In the end, I learned that life is not meant to be a competition about who can get the furthest the fastest. Instead, it’s about the journey and how well you live it according to your rules. Each time I got frustrated with my progress or lack thereof, I had to remember to ride my own race.

So, I ask you to let this be your lesson. Don’t try to be or feel what you think someone else wants you to. Don’t demand of yourself to do what someone else thinks you could or should do. If you look at your values, you’ll find your path and what satisfies your inner needs. When you’re busy worrying about what someone else is doing, you will always look to comparisons. However, when you believe in yourself, you will be so busy focusing on the things that make your heart sing, you will cease to compare yourself with the outside world.

To stay true to your race, you must trust yourself and the path that you are traveling. Go ahead and pick your role models, certainly, but don’t make the mistake of thinking you should be just like them. Enjoy your experiences and talents. It’s good to have people to look up to, but also understand your unique qualities and the gifts you bring to the world. Stop keeping score.

Everyone’s life is going to follow a different path and be on a different timing system. It’s important to live within yourself. Some friends might seem more happy, successful or fortunate. But, you can’t judge your life on another person’s scale or you will never be happy. Besides, what works for others and “looks good on them” might not be right for you. Ultimately, happiness comes from the inside and what makes you happy is a decision only you can make.